Musings
Various bits of semi-poetic writing that aren’t suited to a spot on the front page.
_______________
Untitled arm doodles thanks to lack of paper
14/1/2007
Decrepitate
The wounds of your haemorrhaged heart
As your soul rots away
And your vision turns to grey
_______________
Nightmares
12/1/2007
Playing a trick of self-deception
The victim of which one’s self-perception
Fleeting, we try to untie the bonds
Wrong the rights as we right the wrongs
Black raven haunts me, great bird lord of prey
Circles my corpse round every day
Opaque mist of the mind fills with black swirling shapes
Of demons and superheroes, smother me with their capes
A small second of blindness, in darkness I lay
Feel the last of my sanity slipping away
To ravings and screamings, frenzied I hold
To the false sweet truth of lies never told
_______________
Before I Know I Fall
19/12/2006
When angels fall
They fall forever
God catches them, if they allow
But for those who will not
It is eternal
We are not so high
We have not so far to fall
Until we find a person
Who will catch us
Before I even see
Before I feel the wind
He tells me that I’m falling
And he catches me
And safe in his arms
I look around
And I realise -
I was falling
And he caught me
And now I am safe.
_______________
Glass Eyes
4/12/2006
Glass eyes
Shining wall of tears
Watch me stare
As into the night
- who knows where
My soul will take flight
Love is the fire
That takes pain’s sharp stones
And turns them
Turns me
Turns to perfection
From once brave fighter
To fragile glass statue
My glass eyes grow brighter
For it is in my nature
To burn then explode
Not fizzle to quiet
As blood stains
The perfect glass
I watch her fly to shadow
With one final tear
I will shatter
_______________
Contradictory
3/12/2006
Tears and my enemies
I bid thee fall
I find the barrier
The threshold of pain
I find it once again and I realise
As I once knew
Through innocence forgot
The pain, the greatest, the yellowing of corruption
It is not in the act
But in the stopping.
Strength to continue
Pain to go on
Fly free of normality
And break all those bonds
The world limits
Humanity
When real
Has limits.
The inhumane
The deeper pain
The greatest gain
Not stopping
To continue
Is the darkest light
The brightest evil.
Lighter than my night
My dull grey day
Fade away
Into blood you fall
The pits of burning lava suddenly evanesce
Replaced by
Replace me
A shining beacon of darkness
Walking contradiction…
_______________
Death of a Fallen Star
11/9/2006
A grey stone wall
Green ivy, dulled by the dirty air
Grey tarmac
A blue sky obscured by clouds
This is the vision
That tears me apart
A glimpse into my past
Where my eyes and my heart
Were inexplicably entwined
Alone in the world
Faceless
I see myself fading away
As I spiral back
To a time without hope.
And I can see my own death.
I see it in the music
A body
Lying
Mutilated in the road
Grey tarmac to match my grey face
Blood, but no screams
Perfect silence but for the falling of the rain
And all the colour
Averything I hold on to
Barred, locked out
By the plague of my mind
And as my spirit rises up
I look down for the last time
And I see, I realise
I watch the few people
Maybe even just one
Who love me
And I as I realise what I’ve done
And as I realise I have killed a heart
A heart I love more than anything
My soul despairs
And with an explosion of white and gold
I am destroyed
Blood falls to earth like rain
And the last words I’ll write appear in the heavens
And the last song I’ll sing echos round the world
And to all those I loved and left
A faint whisper
“I’m sorry”
“I love you”
_______________
Eyesight
22/5/2006
The sunlight glitters against the grubby windows
I sit here alone as the tears fall like rain
Stark contrast to the sadistic beauty outside.
Children play and murderers rampage
Through the streets there is only grey
Why don’t they see how I do?
Gold stashed in vaults all over the world
Drenched in blood it makes me retch
Am I the only one who sees everything?
It seems what everyone else sees
Is their own section of the world in vibrant colour
Whether it’s the sunshine yellow of their happiness
Or the blood red of their pain.
Yet I see things differently
I see things how they seem to be
I see the world
From the greatest and tallest mountains
Fearsome in their cruelty and beautiful in their power
To the tiniest sickest babies
Weak and clinging on for every final drop of time
And I see it all in uniform grey
Sad, depressing
A world of colour oppressed by man
Who pumps it full of doubt and desperation.
How can we claim empathy?
When every last thing is done
To make people want and hate
Sentience entails empathy
It insists upon it
Yet how can one so heartless as to turn people
Into monsters only concerned by what they have
Call themselves empathetic?
Therefore surely man is not empathetic?
Not sentient?
How is it right that when I walk down the street
I see no smiles?
I see only frowning, worrying people.
Can’t anyone else see what we’ve done to this society?
Is it only me who can see what matters?
Crimson blood flows down my face
I see nothing now
Peace.
