Happy New Year!!
We survived 2006! Congrats!
It’s been a year of extremes for me… I’m thinking about last time I sat here and watched the new year show on BBC2, and things were very different. Last time it was a few weeks after I’d first got properly drunk (that was hilarious…), a few months before I met the three people who are now my two best friends and my boyfriend, and a whole lot of other amazing people.
I was in year ten, I wasn’t worried about anything about school – except that I hated it. It was a time when I ‘thought’ I was doing well, and also a time about a month and a half before I broke down and gave up… only to be picked up completely unexpectedly and set on a path that seems to be careering towards something, which makes a big improvement on last year!!
So here’s to a new year full of happinesses and, at the very least, far less badness!!
Much love to all I love, and to most of those I don’t too :)
One nil, you silly little girl :D
Oh dearie, you have no idea how much satisfaction it gives me to see “hateful love (offline) Banned”.
Of course, having put you on ignore, and you having been removed from the memberlist, I do have to go a rather roundabout way to get to see that.
But it’s worth it for the happy cackle :)
Oh I can’t wait for you to get back onto the forums and discover you’re banned. Time to make use of the astronomical SMS storage on my new phone eh hun? Poor dear, you didn’t get to see my post, notifying you of your complete blocking from my life. Deleted by raven, your whole thread of bullshit and lies, you manipulative bitch.
Gads, I love those girlies. Much love to Raven and hanna, the amazing mods. Bite me you silly bitch :D
And let me make it damn clear that this has nothing – and everything – to do with Daniel.. if you so much as breathe on him, I shall be on the train within fifteen minutes, and Daniel and I won’t be returning.
It seems tiny things can make a huge difference. From being in a rather… unpleasant state of mental collapse two days ago, three conversations and the use of one “Ignore” feature since, I’m pretty happy. Looking forward to lunch with a very old friend, happily anticipating a phone call this evening, and not feeling quite so negative about my complete lack of New year social engagements *cough*. Maybe I’ll get to see in the new year with the guy you’ve nearly “loved” to death, bitch, on the other end of a phone line.
Things haven’t exactly been wonderful lately, but I seem to have got through the worst of it when it comes to other people… maybe. And if that is the case, then the floating stupidity of my own unstable brain should be pretty much bearable.
Now to write a personal statement…
Congratu-fucking-lations, Sarah
What is there to say? I knew you were intelligent but I didn’t count on this. You manipulative bitch!! HOW in the fuck can you hurt people like this, drive them to the fucking edge, to the fucking TRACKS, and then manage to turn it all around – you’re the victim, are you? If you are ANYBODY’S victim you’re YOUR OWN!! You make me sick!! I can’t believe people actually believe you!! Oh godammit this is what we get for caring! You manage to make me angry with my friends, fuck you, people I love?!
There was a time I would have been crying, screaming to you!! “Can you not SEE??” But I know now what the answer is, yes, yes, you can see!! You see everything, you see EVERY SINGLE STAB OF BLOODY PAIN AND TORMENT, AND YOU DON’T CARE, BECAUSE YOU’RE A SELFISH BITCH, THE ONLY THING YOU CARE ABOUT IS SATISFYING YOUR OWN FUCKING INSECURITIES AND DAMN ANYTHING AD ANYONE ELSE, BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT AS IMPORTANT AS YOUR UTTER LUXURIOUS HAPPINESS, ARE THEY??
My GOD!! You’re not a fucking toddler, you can’t expect to be treated like one!! Hell, you expect better treatment than most toddlers, I certainly wouldn’t allow my own to kill someone for their own whimsical, petty, selfish purposes!! I just don’t understand HOW you can be so HEARTLESS, so COLD and CRUEL!! Let me inside your head! What matters to you? What do you strive for? What do you care about? I’m sure there must be something, but all I can see in you, in your words and deeds, is you!!! How is it possible for someone to be so SELFISH? It appears that I love him more than you do, HOW can that be right?
Please tell me how attacking someone physically, causing them real injury, isolating them, attempting to deprive them of everything they want and need, attacking the people they love– how is this love?
Why do you hate him so much? Can’t you see how much simpler it is to love people? Why the emotional masochism, can’t you see this is beyond a game?
You make me want to give up more than anything else can, but that’s OK, I’m stronger than you, my plans are more important than your pathetic self-destructive, attention-seeking hobby of picking a fight.
But if you achieve your final subconscious aim.
If you kill someone I love.
Despite all my intentions and efforts.
…
You already know what will happen.
In continuation.
HOW DO YOU GET THE UPPER FUCKING HAND WITH EVERYONE WHEN YOU ARE THE HEARTLESS SCUM?????
EDIT: It’s been two and a half hours since I copy and pasted this from the boards, bitch, and in that time you’ve pushed me across a line I barely ever cross. I hate you now. Congratulations. Burn in Hell :)
Also, God I love this girl. :)
One of my all-time favourite songs, feeling very relevant at this moment
A Thousand Miles – Vanessa Carlton
Making my way downtown
Walking fast
Faces pass
And I’m home bound
Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making a way
Through the crowd
And I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
‘Cause you know I’d walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
Tonight
It’s always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder
If you ever
Think of me
‘Cause everything’s so wrong
And I don’t belong
Living in your
Precious memories
‘Cause I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
‘Cause you know I’d walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
Tonight
And I, I
Don’t want to let you know
I, I
Drown in your memory
I, I
Don’t want to let this go
I, I
Don’t
Making my way downtown
Walking fast
Faces pass
And I’m home bound
Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making a way
Through the crowd
And I still need you
And I still miss you
And now I wonder
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass us by
‘Cause you know I’d walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
‘Cause you know I’d walk
A thousand miles
If I could
Just see you
If I could
Just hold you
Tonight
Une Petite Pense
I don’t have much time…
I shouldn’t be writing at all, lol
But I’ve just had an interesting conversation with my boyfriend. It turns out that he worries, when I drink. I’m not sure why he never said anything before…
And he made me realise something…
The last time, excluding last night, that I got sloshed was not, as I remembered, two or three weeks previously, but only five or six days.
And I know that the time before that was, in my perception, only a week or so.
Two days?
Before that there was a long period when I couldn’t find any alcohol…
How long was it?
In reality, I suspect only two or three weeks.
It’s a lot to chew on.
A lot to try and make sense of.
Is all this a problem?
Well, thanks to my more-amazing-by-the-day boyfriend, no longer.
He worries when I drink, there’s history involved. He asked me cut down, said he’d be delighted if I stopped but didn’t expect me to do so.
However I do have priorities, and he is far higher on my list than drinking. So no more drinkaging for white :)
Love > Rum
